you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
