Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
