tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Randomize
