I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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