also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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