I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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