I think i peed on brittanys purse
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
