i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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