i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
