Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
