I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
