You're my little dorito
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
The convent might be a nice break from real life
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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