Your dad touched me again.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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