did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
