my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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