I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
this will be a night to untag.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Randomize