so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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