she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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