She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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