Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
