That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize