she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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