He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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