did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
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