if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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