You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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