Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
My vagina just clenched in fear
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize