I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
