the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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