You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
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