3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
