Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
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