i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
