are you still at the devil's house?
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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