isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize