In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
