There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Randomize
