Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
