i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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