Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
