i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
