I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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