Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
