His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize