Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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