And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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