who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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