his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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