i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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