I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
