she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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