Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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