Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Randomize
