So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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