I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
