Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
