I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize