I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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