Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
