mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
