I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
He felt like a one man threesome
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
