You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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