maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
