So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
