I like to think it a success when the cops are called
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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