Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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