i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
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