he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
