I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
