Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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